In the most recent episode of AYG - we really nail Ari Schaffir about moving to the United Kingdom.   

After all, this is Are You GARBAGE - not Are You RUBBISH.

We even made new tee shirts to commemorate our trash roots - for America. Check it below or here!

Not Rubbish T-Shirt

Since it's America's 250th birthday this year, we want to remind you how much better Americans are than the British**. Here's

Things America Does Better than the British

**Note - We do not actually think we are better than the British - in fact, we recognize most of us are British.  We're just telling jokes here!

Entertainment 

We love a Monty Python sketch, we love the Beatles, we even love Mr. Bean from time to time. 

But Americans are totally unmatched when it comes to entertainment - even if it's subject matter is about the British.  We do often sub in the likes of Idris Elba when it's appropriate, but he's working for us, not the other way around.  

And pretty much everything is owned by the BBC, which means the government? Or something? Liz Lemon fought against vertical integration so you don't have to. 

We prefer our entertainment to be served with 7+ minutes of advertising for every half hour of content!

Spelling

The Brits are supposed to be the smart ones - so why do they have so many extra U-s and E-s in their words?

Colour. Behaviour. Flavour. 

Theatre. Centre.  Metre. 

Realise. Organise. Recognise.  

Please recognize the next time I'm at the theater my hot dog will be measured in feet, not meters! 

The real reason is we dropped 'em letters like a DUECE is to actively be less British.  

When Noah Webster made one of the first (American) dictionaries, we was like "Nah bro, that's too French.  We're gonna change it to what sounds right." 

And cheers to that grammar king for saving us the extra letters and recognizing the importance of the letter "Z".  

Refrigeration 

We're big fans of ice.  And cold beer.

These jabronies don't even refrigerate their EGGS! We can only imagine how long that cheese has been sittin' there. 

We know refrigeration is a new world trend, but how else is that ranch dressing from 2019 supposed to stay good? 

Our Food Tastes Better 

Those imperialists may take the cake when it comes to fish and chips, but we corner the market on pretty much all other food.  

We like brown gravy, but we much prefer sugary BBQ sauce. 

We like beans, but breakfast is reserved for salty, meaty protein. 

We like biscuits, but we like cornbread just fine.  

Maybe it's because we cook with lard, maybe it's because we don't count calories, but maybe it's because the Brits have never had Montreal Steak Seasoning. 

We've innovated to create things such as Tasty Cakes and Dip'n'Dots and donuts that are also croissants (cronuts), because we can. 

Coffee 

The Brits LOVE their tea.  

We hated their tea taxes. 

Coffee entered the picture somewhere in between. 

We have nothing against a nice, hot cup of tea, but when you need coffee, tea ain't gonna cut it. It's like drinking a White Claw when you need a double of Jack Daniels. 

American Garbage has always excelled with bigger, better, and might kill you, over Rubbish.

Ending Conversations 

The British are known for being refined, mannered, and classy, which always comes along with being polite.  If you've ever spoken to a British gentleman, they have a difficult time ENDING the conversation. (Their lower divorce rate now makes sense.)  

As Garbage Americans, we do not mind being brash - rude, tactless, confrontational, even offensive most of the time.  We can be passive aggressive at times - but mostly we're direct, and we think that saves time.

People from the US's Middle America have evolved and even refined the end of the convo to be casual and kind and no-nonsense. 

It's a "Welp", a knee slap, and rising to leave.  That's the universal signal for "I'm done here" and you shouldn't apologize for it. 

The Price of a Chocolate Bar / The Economy

We really value our chocolate in America - but I couldn't tell you how much a Snickers costs at the moment. BUT we bet that if you called your dad / grandpa / uncle / cousin right now they could spout off the price of Unleaded Gasoline at the 3 nearest gas stations.  

In America, we use gasoline or a gallon of milk as an economic indicator of how things are going.  The British use the price of a chocolate frog to know if they should buy stock in GTSE or wait a couple weeks.  

His name is Freddo - and he's made by Cadbury. 

I'm sure Freddo the Frog is a delicious treat, but we prefer our economic indicators weighed in gallons. 

Bathroom Floors 

For whatever cold tundra reason, most Brits have CARPET on their bathroom floors like a 1980s fever dream.  (Do they also have those squishy toilet seats?) 

I didn't say rug - I said CARPET. 

It's rubbish indeed to have poop carpet, and when there's a guy like Foley around, we say stick tile or vinyl for safety.  

Aggression 

The Brits may take the cake in passive aggression, we totally win when it comes to regular aggression. 

Cut me off in traffic? We will cut your tires. 

Call me bald? We'll punch out your (poorly maintained) front teeth. 

Call me Garbage? I'll thank you kindly. 

We do not advise violence, but we do have the UFC, which is now apparently a mainstay in our White House. 

What are some weird British-isms you've come across? 

Brits - what are some things your people do that are true rubbish? 

We've come a long way, baby, and this 4th of July, we stand as proud Garbage. 

Check out our new USA Merch to show your proud, Garbage roots. 

Love Youse - AYG