You may have caught the most recent family episode, where the boys debate the proper way to conduct yourself in a grocery store.
But since there are sooo many ways to be a Dirtbag at the grocery store, thought we'd explore:
Do youse call it the buggy? That's trash.
But the ways you navigate the aisles with that cart can really secure your place in society.
The proper way - the clean livin' way - is to maintain a closeness to the side of the shelves, leaving a few inches, but also leaving enough space for the other carts to pass by. We acknowledge this is difficult with the
The trashy way is to storm down the center of the aisle and leave that buggy askew like an ANIMAL lookin to roost. This method is sometimes necessary - especially when the Tasty Cakes are running low - but it's almost always trashy.
If you don't know, they always keep the products closest to expiring towards the front, and the newer stuff in the back.
Many would call diggin' for a further date is trashy, but we think it can be done in a classy way.
We know you may be a single guy, or a lady that lives with very few people that drink real dairy milk, but it's your American right to sift through and find the one that's gonna last you the longest.
The classiest way to do so is ask an employee to grab you one from the back. But who has that kinda time?
It can be trashy if you're digging thru all the eggs and breakin' 'em in the process to get a date that expires 5 days later. Just be sly about your operations. What they don't know don't hurt 'em.
The take-a-number system is the top of the line. But some of these mom and pops places don't always have 'em!
So to be clean livin', just look left, look right, and make sure you're not cuttin' in front of a house wife with 3 screamin' kids. Ain't nobody wants those kids to scream any louder, so let her go.
Youse ever been offered a sample at the Deli? Yeah - they do that - it's a loophole we've talked about a few times on the show. (Well, Foley has, anyway.)
While some may think it's trashy to sit and sample all the goods, we think it's actually quite clean livin'.
How are you supposed to order meat at $16.99 per pound when it hasn't even touched your lips? How are you supposed to know if the thickness measurement is to be trusted?
That said, take into consideration the number of cryin' children are in line behind ya, and maybe let someone cut in the middle of your transaction while you sample.
To us, this is classy, even if there's a few people waiting. Really, times are hard, and you're just being economical - and making sure you don't need to make a return. Which leads us to...
Is it garbage if you return expired yogurt that went bad before you bought it? We think NO! That goes for ALL food.
Otherwise, that's how they get ya.
But if you do find an expired item, they want you to "clean the container and bring it back". Sure. But either way, they're gonna give you your money back.
In fact, a loophole you may not know, is they'll give a refund pretty much any food you didn't like the taste of. Is it trashy? It can be trashy - but you can only do this a few times before they ask you not to come back.
We know how it goes sometimes - you start with the ice cream aisle and then by the end of store you're $3.79 over the $42.28 left in your bank account.
While it's definitely not classy - we don't think it's trashy either to put it back in the freezer.
If you take any refrigerated item out of the fridge, the staff already gotta throw it away. SO we say it's better for you to put it back, in the wrong spot on the shelf, so you don't hand a melted pile of sugar to the cashier.
Largely, we don't care if it's <5 items over the limit.
After that, you're trashy, and need to start thinking about your life choices and ability to count.
If there is a bagger boy - he doesn't need your help. Don't put the kid outta work. Trashy.
But if you're watching that cashier smash bread, or they've got a line 30 people deep, take control of that situation!
Plus then you assure you can actually lift the bags and they're not packed full like a bag of cement.
Letting your kids ride in the seat part of the cart - classy.
Letting your kids ride in the basket part of the cart - classy, sometimes. As long as they're not pushing the envelope and trying to do tricks while jumping out. Other shoppers are not equipped to try to catch that kiddo while you're weigh Brussels sprouts.
Not Using the Tongs for the Fresh Bread or Cookies - ok, but sparingly.
Playing with the lobsters - classy. You're a humanitarian.
Touching all the produce - who cares? People are supposed to wash them before eating anyway.
Taking by-the-pound produce and splitting it up - clean living. Spilt up those grapes, those bananas, those cherries, but make sure it's by weight and not unit.
Buying the dented cans at a discount - trashy, but respected.
Using paper coupons - respected. (Also most coupons are digital now, so you can do that at home later.)
Buying almost-expired food at a discount - respected.
What are some things people do at the grocery store that irk you? What do you intentionally do to irk other people?
Let us know in the comments!
As always, Love Youse - AYG
Finally - the Airport Breakfast gets the level of class and credit it deserves.
This tee is black and made of 100% heavyweight cotton, featuring a yellow airplane graphic on the front and back that reads "The Palm Restaurant - Home of the Airport Breakfast." Item is preshrunken.
