7 Trashiest Ways to Stay Hydrated | The Garbage Blog

It's Summertime, and we hope youse are all staying hydrated.

On our most recent family episode, we discussed how Dirtbags will FIND A WAY to drink water (or juice, or whatever) in a trashy manner. Here's

7 Trashiest Ways to Stay Hydrated

7. The Garden Hose

Nothing hits quite like warm hose water on an August afternoon...

Because, ya know, you probably drank a bug or two so shouldn't be drinking out of the hose.

I will argue it's what formed the basis of my immune system as a child, and a great way to get some extra protein, but it's trashy.

6. Drinking Straight from a Gallon Jug

We chatted about this on our episode... We know you're a tough guy. We know you lift.

But I didn't know drinking water was a workout in itself.

5. Chug & Crush a Disposable Water Bottle

Dirtbags love to chug a full, disposable bottle bottle of water (or two) then TWIST that empty bottle like it's a sweat rag after a marathon.

This action is ALWAYS followed by an "Ahhhh..." sigh or a "Whew!" like, the big man needed that!

We appreciate that you're drinking water - as does your body - but it's definitely trashy to wait to drink that much, then do it AT ONE TIME - like you're a horse in a Wild West film.

And no one is impressed you can twist that bottle. We just... don't care.

4. Those Gatorade Squeeze Bottles

If you're like the AYG boys, we never drank water in the 1990s.

It was always Gatorade, Crystal Light, Kool-Aid, Capri-Suns, a Vernors Cola... I digress.

But any Dirtbag that plays sports has one of these soft, plastic bottles with the Gatorade logo on the outside. I think Gatorade wanted us to always be electro-lyting. Or remind us we shouldn't be drinking water, but Gatorade, instead.

For whatever reason, you MUST squeeze the water/Gatorade into your mouth, to show you're both exhausted from cardio and have moderately strong hands.

But hey, just about every professional athlete has made some cash using this method, so more power to em.

3. "The Ice in My Drink Melted"

You added ice to your 7 & 7 - but waiting for it to melt then downing it all will not keep you hydrated.

The ratio is all off!

So for OPTIMAL hydration while consuming alcohol, we recommend one full glass of water per every 3 cocktails.

It's not to keep you less drunk, it's to ensure you can drink again the next day, so your wife doesn't get mad you're sleeping off a hangover all through your Wildwood vacation.

You're here for a good time, not a long time, so keep the H2O coming.

2. Chuggin' Water In Bed After a Night of Drinking

Hachee Matchee...

I hate when the repeat Jack Daniels cocktails wake ya up with dry mouth at 3:37 am. It's recommended to drink at least 10 ounces of water in this moment, to avoid any and all hangovers.

You didn't pace yourself with our above 3-to-1 drinking ratio, but this can often become a get out-of-jail-free card for you.

Is it trashy? Yes - but no one SEES you do it - so it doesn't count.

1. A Camelback / Hydration Pack

We like the idea of not carrying stuff - really, it's our favorite.

But in our humble opinion, unless you're hiking or biking 7+ miles, that water backpack is just gonna make you sweaty - and want more water - and then have to pee.

Pee on the hiking trail, you shouldn't be ashamed, but if you're just hiking Runyon Canyon or Mount Nittany, you do not need a hydration pack... It's dorky.