A Garbage Guide presents the Top 5 Trashiest Bagels - so you know which bagels roll around in the DIRT and which are clean livin'.
While this content may not seem relevant to you, listen-up -- so you don't look like a fool the next time you're with the in-laws for breakfast!!
First off - let me say that all bagels are not created equal.
AYG is a New York City-based podcast, and we know some bagels are far superior than others. Some are born bright and early in a Brooklyn bakery from the hands of a lifelong artisan, and others are staring up at you from the bottom shelf of a Tim Hortons in Dayton, OH at 8 pm on a Tuesday.
But hey - that's life. And we're not judging the bagels - just making observations as we do with all things on AYG.
The bad boy of bagels - he lives on the wrong side of the tracks, and he's always chasin' the young ladies across the way. It's not a born-with-a-silver-knife Asiago - he's blue-collar, he's a savory classic, and good for breakfast or lunch.
But he's covered in cheese.
And anything covered in cheese, is trash.
The Onion is a classic because while it may be delicious, it's onion-flavored, like we're still improvising with World War 2 food rations. Your grandpa may love this classic, but it's literally dirt-produce flavored.
Be sure to check your breath after this one!
Always enjoyed by the classiest of ladies, the blueberry bagel is the go-to for broads and birds.
Be it your girlfriend or your mom, the blueberry bagel is a little bit of fun - a little bit of sass, for any time of day.
Treat yourself to the Blueberry - best served with fruity cream cheese.
The everyman of bagels, plain is a chewy experience in versatility that pairs well with jelly, peanut butter, butter, cream cheese, or even a hearty breakfast sandwich.
Plain is a safe bet to grab a bag to bring to informal gathering or a friends' brunch - but it does give "Comfort Inn & Suites Free Continental Breakfast" at the best of times.
A vibrant, yellow-hued dough, often preferred for sandwiches. (Not to be confused with breakfast sandwich with bagel and egg).
The government cheese of bagels - this is definitely served at your grandma's retirement home.
Also - it TASTES like protein with all the health benefits of carbohydrates. And that - is trashy.
It's Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
While some of you may be disgusted by the Everything, there certainly is a comfort in the unknown flavor blast.
Yes, this bagel may seems like an overly stimulating girl with low esteem, willing to partner with any spice...
I also think the Everything represents all of us.
It's the bagel at the bottom of the the pile - picking up all the flavors everyone else dropped, and making the best of it.
Are there flavors on there that you don't want, and are questionably allergic to? Yes. But there's also some that you do like in there, too. And there's a comfort in that.
After all, at AYG we know - just cuz you're trash doesn't mean you ain't it.
Love Youse - AYG
This 15 oz ceramic coffee mug is Tuddy's favorite vacation souvenir!
It features a C-handle, making it easier to light her morning burnie while sippin' her instant java. She recommends hand-washing.
