These new-wave drive-thrus are attempting to incrementally increase efficiency - and it's a bunch of poppycock.
Just like how Foley is always complaining about shrink-flation (vis-à-vis Double-Stuf Oreos) it seems you're getting less and paying for more - and we ain't about that.
So to us, that means the etiquette rules for Dirtbags have changed a bit - and below are 5 tips for all youse Dirtbags.
If you've ever been to a Chick-fil-A or a Dutch Bros coffee - and now assumedly a handful of others - they take two lines with two points to order, then combine it into one.
If that meant that I get my food faster, SURE but this causes some HOSTILITY with the people in line and throws everyone off.
Then, people start angling their front-ends like hoes at a square dance, everyone competing for the best spot.
Our theory on this - is it's trashy, and you don't get your food any faster. In fact, it actually usually confuses the workers, and very often you end up with the wrong order. (Or at least it has the 7 times I've tried it myself.)
Take it easy, cowboy.
Crazy we keep havin' to do their job for them - and now they want us to text and drive?
First off - I'm NOT ordering ahead, that is a sure-fire way to ensure that my food will be cold. It only have a 7-minute window of freshness regardless, and that cuts the likelihood of warmth down to about zero.
And two - most of the time I decide I'm going to Taco Bell WHEN I PULL INTO A TACO BELL. If I had time to plan that purchase, I likely wouldn't make it at all.
If you do plan your purchase ahead - that's fine. Trashy, maybe, but that's your right as an American, and there are many instances when that does make the most sense.
But it should be your choice, not a requirement.
Sonic is a mainstay for a lot of Americans. They sell ya on fast service, ocean water, nostalgia, and the fun idea of a rolling skater placing a tray on your car windowsill.
But at a lot of Sonics now, you get there and you HAVE to order on the Sonic App.
I don't think so, Buddy!
What if you don't have cell service?
What if you're all jammed up and don't have a cell-phone? Now you can't even eat SONIC??
There have GOT to be enough high school stoners that want to work for minimum wage... Or even ex-felons out on parole. We don't care who takes our order, but give us the option!!
You cannot give the old-school feeling of a soda shop stop by cutting out the literal person that takes your order. Give us a break!!!
We've brought this up on the show - ordering solely a beverage at a fast-food drive-thru is a tough look. There's nothing WRONG with it morally, but it's maybe a little trashy.
That said - lots of businesses have built there whole model on selling almost exclusively beverages in a drive-thru setting: Starbucks, Seven-Brew Drive-Thru, and Swig is basically a custom soda shop (that has a chokehold on all of the Mormons).
And now, a lot of places will heavily discount that beverage if you order it thru the drive-thru or app. Sure - so I will be getting a discounted Diet Coke if youse don't mind!
Also - if you're REALLY into McDonald's Coca-Cola - you're not alone. McDonald's does have a specific formula for Coke, and specific ways of carbonating that soda, so it does taste better than from another spot.
If you're a Dirtbag that lives in Vermont or New Jersey or Rhode Island, you probably have to ask for a plastic straw when you're getting a beverage. Each state has it's own respective laws, but the general rule is that they can't give you a plastic straw unless you explicitly ask for one.
The idea is that they're reducing the amount of "stuff" that gets thrown into a bag and then immediately thrown into the garbage... Which we can understand.
Overall, it's probably saving everyone money through trickle-down economics. (That's probably why the WaWa doesn't always have 'em on the counter anymore.)
But we think you shouldn't feel bad or trashy when you ask for a straw. Straws are about more than the vehicle to your mouth - but also protecting your teeth from decay.
And I know many a Dirtbag that don't have Dental Insurance...
If you're a Dirtbag in California? Godspeed - we wish you luck on your straw journey.
What irks you about the Bozos that do it wrong? Let us know in the comments below!
Also - Tuddy is having her mystery sale for 24 hours only - so get your Pro Fishing Tee for 20% off NOW! Below or here.
If you haven't yet, check out our most recent Family Episode, Drive-Thru Etiquette.
As always, thank youse, love youse. - AYG
Show off your pro fishing skills in this black, 100% heavyweight cotton tee.
This shirt features a trashcan logo with a yellow backdrop that reads "Are You Garbage?" in red. Item is preshrunken, and the graphic is printed on the front of the tee.
