I Quit!
Is there any day dream more intoxicating than the thought of walking into the boss’s office and finally giving them a piece of your mind? While most people won’t have that Lester Burnham, American Beauty moment, don’t let that stop you from saying sayonara to the supervisor.
This is a real trash power move.
The idea that your boss (I’m assuming you’re not in a management role) has to go around asking where you are and what time you left.
Relish in the thrill of them wasting their afternoon trying to track you down. Really seal the debris deal by asking if your coworkers want anything brought back. Feel free to throw in a “I’m buying” too.
Respect to you for giving your employer a heads up.
Little less respect that you spent those two weeks taking staplers, post-it notes, a bluetooth keyboard, and the break room fern.
For most people this is their chance to get back at the man.
But if you’re going to steal from work, take things that are useful. Toilet paper, Keurig pods, the front desk attendant. You could use Dolores’ help around the house.
You can’t fire me, I quit!
Guess what, you were a goner anyway. But I respect your attempt to save face.
Is it trashy, absolutely, but we are nothing without our pride.
So go ahead and tell Domino's Pizza they won’t be the same without you. Take it a step farther and try to lead a Jerry Maguire walkout. And rest easy that night knowing they didn’t fire you, you quit.
No one likes conflict but sending a text to your boss that you quit is one of the most garbage ways of leaving a job.
This is usually followed by blocking their number then hitting an Applebee’s for one Dollar-rita. While you’re on that phone, feel free to start texting your friends if they have anything open at their work.
Sometimes the classics are classic for a reason. The No Show. No-call, no-show.
In two words we know exactly what happened.
“Where’s Gary?” He’s a no-show.
“Anyone know what happened to Tracy?” She no-showed.
If you take this route I’m imagining you driving down the highway in an un-inspected Toyota Corolla. Cigarette smoke in your hair, and nothing but the tunes in your head cause the radio gave out weeks ago.
That’s living, baby.
If you’re thinking about calling it quits at your work, let this blog serve as a guide to make it as trashy as possible. Take it from me, I’ve quit more jobs than I can count and I turned out fine.
Side note, anyone got a line on some side work? I’ve got references!
Got a good quitting story? LUK below!
- AYG
Show off your pro fishing skills in this black, 100% heavyweight cotton tee.
This shirt features a trashcan logo with a yellow backdrop that reads "Are You Garbage?" in red. Item is preshrunken, and the graphic is printed on the front of the tee.
